Looking for Property ~ Dreams in the Making

Sometimes when you're "Stumbling through Darkness", for whatever reason(s), it can be made more bearable if one chooses to live for something positive instead. This is not a new idea by any means, but a difficult concept if your state of mind will not let such ideas stick when you're wallowing in the fitfulness of defeat, thinking they are just that, ideas, "nothing can ever come of dreams" you say to your doubtful self.....Ah, I know different. I know that if you put your body, soul and faith into something, even if you face the worst of adversity, you can actually make things happen to your benefit, or, in other words, live your dreams. I don't mean this by way of people dreaming to be millionaires and becoming such and I certainly do not mean anything to do with religion or divinity. That's a topic I have no experience nor interest in addressing. I mean, reasonable, sensible, doable dreams.
My dream has always been, since I was a little girl, the same....It has evolved to be more sophisticated and more specific, however, but pretty much the same as I have felt it all along. Here it is: I want to live in the country where it is peaceful. I don't care what country or what part of it but it must beautiful, quiet and safe. I believe I found my spot here on Prince Edward Island as it is all of that. I would like very much to have a hobby farm, nothing too grand but something simple that I can handle myself. I would like to live off my farm as much as possible as well as share the good fortune and wholesome items of food and craft that I can create as gifts for my friends and family. I want to have a garden and can, freeze and dry the proceeds, I would love to make cheese and goats milk soap, the finest thing my skin has ever felt and create magical design things for my home and garden out of what nature gives us. I love animals, I relate to them very well and I feel I have a knack for understanding and communicating with them. I believe this is simple because animals are so honest and straight forward, they are very easy to "read". They won't tell you something but mean something else, they won't lead you off on some "goose chase of dishonesty", and they certainly will not lie, deceive or take from you anything that you have not offered.
I communicate with my animals all the time. My vet(s) admire this and have assured me that ever if I come and/or call with a concern for any of my animals, they will personally take it very seriously because they know I am in "tune" with the critters that are raised in my family.
Jodi and I ride alone alot and of course, I talk to her. It is very soothing to a horse to talk to them, especially if they are upset, sick, scared and they know your familiar attention to them will make things ok. Jodi and I were riding down the dirt road one Saturday heading to our usual riding path when we came across a field of cows. This field of cows is always there and usually some cows nearby the fence will run along beside us for awhile. Jodi enjoys this and sees herself as a real "cow horse" when this happens. This particular day, I spotted an Alpaca in the field with the cows. I thought, wow what a pretty Alpaca, it was white and fluffy with some dark spots and a dark fluffy tail. Often people keep Alpacas with their stock to deter predators so I was curious as to how this Alpaca would react to Jodi and I passing by the herd. Well sooner that I thought this and my Jodi spots the Alpaca. She stops full tilt. Raises her head tenses her body expands her nostrils and snorts trembling with anger/fear or a little of both. I say, "Jo love, what's up? It's an Alpaca, they are soft and lovely, let's go see the cute little fellow". Well, I think not, she wouldn't move a muscle, just stood there staring at the "creature" until finally she decided to resume our ride, backing up in our prior footprints. Now a horse person will understand my logic immediately, but I can not under any circumstances let Jodi decide where we are going. And furthermore, we don't back away from Alpacas. Grizzlies and mountain lions and female moose yes, but there aren't any of those here, Alpacas, especially those on the other side of fences, we will conquer if it takes all day. So, we eventually made it past, albeit the extreme other side of the road as far around the Alpaca side as possible.
I made her do this run about four more times in the next month and even though she always made clear her distaste for this "creature" we made it through the road way, because I demanded it. Again, horse people will applaud now.....
I have listed my home for sale and have been actively looking for property to buy once it's sold. I am aiming for the hobby farm, 3 to 10 acres, house, no house, build, put a mini home on...all of that. The land is my priority. Location, privacy, and price of course. Close to work would be nice as well as close to lots of riding spots. This list of expectations is actually not to hard to find on this island. I found one spot once and I was so excited. Next time I saw Jodi I was telling her, I am alone folks, I talk to my horse, no big deal. She stopped eating grain and looked me straight in the eye. I knew exactly what she was saying. "hobby farm great, acres of alfalfa and clover, lovely, goats, chickens whatever, but no ALPACAS"...I hugged her and smiled and assured her there would be no Alpacas if they bother her so much. We want to make everyone on the hobby farm comfortable and happy....She continued eating her grain.
I looked at that place and found it awesome except the fellow already had an offer and if it didn't get accepted, he'd let me know. It did and I continued looking. We had a beautiful Thanksgiving long weekend and I spent a great deal of it looking at properties. I took the dogs on the holiday Monday to look at one intriguing place in a community called Hope River. I thought wow, with life and it's ups and downs lately, what a "cool address" to have. This was a large acreage 25 acres a real nice location, close to work etc. we drove down into the valley of it and I parked by the stream the runs through the property. The dogs got out to check things out and I stood by the truck, parked precisely where I would put a home..I stood and looked around all directions so that I could take it in. Couldn't see the road, good, can't see the neighbors, great, can hear the stream trickling nice, oh look a beautiful hill full of colorful fall bushes and trees. Awesome , imagine that in the winter, would be lovely to look at. Oh dear, what is that on the hill grazing? Not one not two but about 6 Alpacas. Oh dear I thought. Won't do Jodi could never accept this. Ok that's it Diago and Molly time to move on. I loaded the dogs and knew that Hope River, in that particular spot, was definitely not for us. I will keep searching and I will find "our spot". Just need to sell the house first and then I know IT will be there. "Our dream place" here on Prince Edward Island for me and my crew....

Stumbling Through the Darkness

This is a section dedicated to two things, to suicide and to surviving suicide. If you do not want to venture further into this domain, that is the beauty of the written word. You don't have to. If you do, please humour me with your tolerance, respect and understanding. I am a new SOS (Survivor of Suicide) and this tool, writing, is a small part of my therapy, but at the same time, a sharing of this astronomical experience, should anyone ever need a read or an avenue for their own situation.

Stumbling --That's what you do when suicide hits your domain. You Fall, get up again, whack your knee on something til it hurts so bad it brings tears to your eyes, then you get back up and keep going until you stumble again, which you will. Why? Because it's dark, you can't see where you're going and it's scary...

Darkness --That of which we can't see coming, can't see through and have a hell of a time walking through day by day because we keep whacking into things (see above explanation) and hurting ourselves.

This describes the process of dealing with suicide perfectly to me. It's basically like being in a room you are all too familiar with (your life) , and then all of a sudden for an unknown reason, the place goes dark. You know where you need to go but you can't find it anymore because the lights are out. Permanently, for all you know. Somehow you have got to adjust to this new, unpleasant situation. You know you can because you're still in the same place with the same people and you haven't changed. Oh, yes, maybe you have. You are treading alot more carefully now for fear you will be hurt....again, and again until there's no stopping of the hurt when you can't see where you're going. How frustrating and how dangerous this new place is. You never asked for this to happen, you paid your electric bill. It is all so absurd. Why now, if no fault of yours, do you have to "pay" the consequence? Where did your old life go? Why does crap like this have to happen?

There are the many branches of this new turmoil that will beseech you again and again, acceptance, sorrow, anger, pain, distress and hopelessness and back , then there is the guilt, the blame ,the trying to piece it all together and make sense of it, phase. This again you go back to many times. I don't recall finding a book ever in my life, and I read alot, that could have prepared me for this. No one I talk to can make me feel completely at ease with it all. I can't get my head around it, Dr's, drugs, friends, booze, nothing can beat this one. I somehow have to sort this out myself, my way in my own time....alone. I don't mean alone, support wise, cause there has been tons of support and more so if I reach out for it, but alone in that, this is MY special little deal, MY SON, MY LOSS, MY PROBLEM. You don't feel that anyone else could possibly know what is in your heart, head, belly with this. As well you feel like your are putting a burden on your friends, loved ones, other children by even feeling any of these things. You're pretty sure they don't want to hear about it. In the other child case, you feel like the sibling is dealing with her own issues regarding this horrible loss. You certainly don't want to be responsible for handing your burden over to her as well......To be continued.

Volunteering

I used to be an eager volunteer. My very first volunteer position was on the Pincher Creek Ranch as a "horse back riding instructor" for Special Olympics. I did this up to the time I had my children and then found little time after that and through college for the next few years. I absolutely loved volunteering though. What a grand feeling in your heart to give so little which means so much..... My next Volunteer position was with Child Find, which I participated in for 7 years. I used to worry excessively about my children being "stolen" from me so this was an organization that was important to my life. As well, getting involved with and subsequently marrying a Police Officer put in perspective the fears and reasons to keep tabs on one’s children. Finger Prints and such were a necessary thing to have along side the vaccination certificates and report cards from the past yrs of school. This is the kind of world we live in now.....
Then we moved to Airdrie and I needed to get involved with something that would hook me up to the community and give me the volunteering boost in the arm that I loved so much. Once again I found Special Olympics. I had so much fun, years before, I thought this would be a good pick. My children with the move to Airdrie were actively participating in sports since "we" as a family are true believers in "sports does a body good" philosophy. Melissa and Justin thrived in the sports world; soccer, street hockey, badminton, golf, basketball, football, rugby. Not only is it grand for the physical health but for the team spirit stuff as well as the self confidence aspects. Special Olympics was a given since I live with this sport theme all the time already. I ended up being voted in as President because of my Management and Accounting background.
In hindsight the kids were really proud of my position as I recall them telling people "My MOM is the President...." as well, they used to help out at major tournaments and whenever I needed a hand. They loved the Special Olympians just as much as I did.
Justin however had a twist to his ways and used to try and succeed in embarrassing me if he could. For instance, he would come into the grocery store when he knew my vehicle was parked outside, looking for a ride home. He would not approach his Mother though like any normal teenage boy would...no, he would come down the aisle, twisted up hands and arms, drooling, real drool, head at an angle and walking with one straight knee yelling like a handicapped person... MOM ! MOM where are you!!!! I would see him coming and hold my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing, ashamed of his behaviour at the same time hysterically laughing at his antics. He would come all the way up to me, not crack a smile and continue being like this for a while. I don’t know how I didn’t pee my pants laughing while also being embarrassed.
One time though he did this and I was at the diary section visiting with another Special O board member, who is also a Mother of a Special Olympian . I heard him before I saw him; MUUUUUUMM, it’ths me Thkustin...where are you, drool drool. My heart sank. I could only imagine what this person, never mind the rest of the community in the store right now would think of my child making fun of special needs people. Here I am the bloody President!! Justin and I made eye contact and I indicated with a nod toward my companion who was with me. Justin disappeared into another aisle. Good, I thought he’ll go away or come around acting normal. He did come by and was acting like himself. Whew, I was out of danger, he acknowledged my co-board member and proceeded to follow me along shopping while she was a bit behind us. I thought, wow that was close, good thing he had the good sense to behave himself for a change. Next thing I know he lets ONE RIP. Big time loud and smelly. I look at him. With a face straighter then Churchill he plugs his nose and says "Mom, really??? He fondled some cheese and dairy products and sauntered his way out of the store only to wait for me in my vehicle. This is a picture of the son I once had, not such a pretty picture sometimes but oh my my....truly a character that fellow was. Gosh. to be a Mother of Justin could be a chore for the faint of heart, a chore though that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

My Story and I’m Sticking to it....

I moved here, to Lot 16, PEI on November 28, 2003 after a broken
marriage and a whole life spent in Alberta. My kids were grown and living on their own. My son Justin, was in Lethbridge Alberta doing a Journalism/Broadcasting diploma, my daughter Melissa, was in Halifax, Nova Scotia, doing her International Development-Political Science Degree. We, the children and I, after much discussion , thought it was a great time for me to finally acquaint myself with the Maritimes of which I had yearned for and dreamt of most of my life. So the move happened and Lot 16 is where I plunked myself.
My first meeting with my neighbour Ellyn was the day I took possession of the house. The realtor and his lovely wife, who had housed me and the cat overnite while the dogs were safe in a kennel brought me to my new home after we spent the allotted time with the lawyer and did the final paperwork. I assessed the house again as the only time I had checked it out was a month ago when I flew out, looked at homes and picked this one, knowing it was "the one".
I was having some stuff delivered by Sears and was outside showing them the 3 possible doors when Ellyn yelled across the lawn, a brief introduction and an invite to join her later for lasagna and lemon tarts, which she had prepared for my arrival. I thought immediately, "What am I? In the middle of an Anne of Green Gables tale or something? Is this my new bosom buddy"? I didn’t quite know what to make of it other than it was awesome to find such hospitality and recognition already???
My first hour with Ellyn was mesmerizing, not only was she a true blue islander, the second one I met after Wayne the realtor, but as well a wife, Mother , accomplished teacher, and writer working on her Masters Degree. .During that first visit, she noticed my boots. I had a long hippy skirt on with my "Laredo" cowboy boots as this is very comfortable plane travel wear, and she recognized the boots. This tweaked my interest as I had assumed that my "cowboy life" was left in Alberta. I’m now in fiddle, seafood and red dirt country, east coast, well ,an island for gosh sakes! There’s no cowboys here...Or are there? I acknowledged that Ellyn in fact not only "knew" the boot brand but, went further to describe the two horses she owned out back in the pasture.
You can imagine my delight and the fast friendship which was to develop here with two horses; a mutual fondness for lemon tarts and lasagna and; an appreciation for intelligent conversation; a zero tolerance of husbands, and all of the above was seasoned with a glass of home made wine here and there.
Ellyn’s two horses are Jodi, a 13 year old black Morgan Mare, snotty with an attitude, loving the trail rides and is a prancy, dancer always needing to trot home. Navajo, is at this time a 3 year old Appaloosa Mare, just broke and ready for the miles. Ellyn needed a ride - mate, she had two horses and could only ride one at a time. I rode my whole life and never thought I’d get back on a horse in bloody PEI of all places, so off we went. We rode almost every weekend thru the year, in sunshine, rain, snow and wind. We talked and laughed and got to know each other. The horses were happy we were happy. The horses were different, we were different and everyone was "a" ok with this whole set-up. We redecorated my house, which she grew up in, we played cards, we got thru a few good snow days with blizzards and winds that wrecked my house. I witnessed and tried to help Ellyn through a marriage break up and unfortunately, a terminal illness that took her Father away early spring of 2005. Darryl, Ellyn’s Dad, was an honourable, decent, hardworking man, very loved and respected by our community. I had the pleasure to know him briefly and his presence was such that you would never forget meeting him. It was great fun to sip on some of his home made wine listening to his stories that carried such wisdom and humour. He loved life and those people that happened to be in it with him at that moment. He treated you as though you had been a family friend for centuries, he was all about "what did you need", "how are you settling", stuff like that. Watching his devotion to his family and to his community in the short time I knew him , it was clear that he was a person to adore, and I did. Ellyn called me soon after he had passed and I was so sorry for her and her family to have to go thru this and I didn’t know what to do. We only rode when we could and that always seemed to make things better, to silence the silence...
One month later I was hit with the death of my son, by suicide. I was approached by the RCMP who had the horrible task of coming out to my home to inform me of this event. My boyfriend , Darren was at work and on his way once the officer called him, but it was Ellyn, who heard the news second to myself and held me while I grappled with it. She was instrumental in my survival that day, that month , that year. Somehow the fact that she had just dealt with death very close to her heart and had dealt with death before, this prepared her to teach me, someone who had never lost anyone close yet, how to function.
Soon after the loss of Justin, we resumed our riding. I’m not sure exactly when but I know we rode, and we talked and we cried and we went everywhere, the woods, the shore, the water. We covered a lot of ground physically and emotionally.
Soon, an eagle started to join us. I remember the exact day. We were riding down our usual road where we boarded the horses and I spotted two things in the pasture ahead of us that looked like large skunks or eagles on the ground. I said "Ellyn, what is that". She thought it was a pair of skunks but I kept looking and the closer we got the more we realized they were eagles. Ellyn and I were surprised to see these eagles on the ground. Thinking one was hurt we attempted to ride closer but they eventually flew up, proving they were indeed eagles and they were "just fine, thank you very much" and disappeared into a nearby tree. From then on we would see the eagle, just one, soar above us and around us when we rode. Sometimes there would be not much going on, just the usual chit chat and all of a sudden , here the eagle would appear. It was awesome to see him swoop and soar over us in his majestic way. We would just stop talking, mid sentence, and watch him, amazed and with smiles and a nod to each other in the comfort of his presence. We started to look for him after that and 96% of the time he would make an appearance.
Then, the year anniversary approached. March -April 2006 the losses, our losses, her Dad ,my son. My Justin’s birthday, my birthday, Ellyn’s birthday, Mother’s day in May. The eagle was there for every one of them, in front of our eyes, witnesses to each other. I had a real hard time then at year number one and in the time period of these family events I found myself slipping lower then I ever had. My boyfriend begged me to see the Doctor and try to get some help before I made any decisions. After that discussion that morning we noticed a big kafuffle with birds had been going on most of the past 15 minutes in the massive trees over at the neighbours. We could see a bunch of crows or ravens attacking or swooping at another, much larger bird sitting in the bare tree branch. We got out the binos and found it was the eagle sitting in the tree putting up with the crow nonsense. It was really strange. An hour or so later as I drove past the tree the eagle was still there watching me as I drove past all alone now. It was strange.
We decided this eagle was Justin. He was watching over the situation some how. I always told my children, if I ever died I would love to come back as an eagle. Like the First Nation People beliefs in reincarnation, I assumed this must be what Justin has done. To comfort me and to show me that he is still here with me, he is soaring around here on his birthday, my birthday, his deathday, Mother’s day and any other time that I’m having a "rough go".
I bought Jodi from Ellyn shortly after Justin’s death as I knew I needed her and Ellyn couldn’t justify having two horses when she only rode one. The eagle soared through Jodi’s stuff too, her pregnancy and the loss of her foal a few months later. Stuff going on, eagle flying above....
Another year has gone by and Ellyn and I mourn our losses still, but with some growth along with. We are stronger and healthier but completely aware that the friendship has played a huge part in our recovery.
I’ve recently put my home up for sale and am hoping to find a new place, more land ,less house so that I can enjoy horses, dogs, gardening more animals like a hobby farm and perhaps the presence of some eagles. This, I know will help me grow and help me carry on. Ellyn understands this and is sad, to see me leave the neighbourhood, but is comforted as well in my progress as a human being. She knows a friend is a friend is a friend, no matter where they are, and she knows, as I do, this friendship is solid and it will endure.
I haven’t seen the eagle much lately. I went for a 3 hour ride on Justin’s birthday but , though looked and longed for him, did not spy the eagle. Ellyn tells me later that weekend, that the eagle was with her on her ride on Justin’s birthday. Then it occurs to me, like a jolt of understanding, not of pain; but of wonder and excitement, this beloved eagle of ours, perhaps he is to do with Darryl, Ellyn’s Dad. He’s been watching over Ellyn, I’ve only been riding along with her, he’s flying over Lot 16 and resides here as always, making sure the people of Lot 16 and his family, the Lyles and the McLaurins are ok. I am savouring the beauty of this as I am living in the home he had, I am friends with his beautiful daughter, I embrace his grandchild often......Of course he’s flying around us when we ride. This is his domain. Maybe that why I don’t see him anymore because he is now with Ellyn, she needs him.
Maybe’s and what if’s... the world keeps going around. I have no explanation for this but I do know the facts, and what I saw and experienced was often witnessed. The second last time I saw the eagle was on my last birthday, March 24, 2007. Ellyn and I were riding and I wasn’t talking much. That seems to be the hardest day in the year for me. Part of it is because that was one of the last times I had chatted with Justin on the phone. We had a long conversation the nite before my birthday about taxes and stuff in our lives and he had stated his good wishes for tomorrow then, but he called again on my birthday to say "Happy Birthday" again. I laughed and told him he didn’t need to call again but we had a bit of a chat anyway and well; I only spoke with my son once more after that which was March 30th, 2005. He died April 3rd a few days later. This birthday ride was chilly and glum but we persevered knowing it was for a good cause. Ellyn was being her usual perky self, not necessarily because she was in a "chipper" mood but because she gets bound and determined that I should be, especially on my birthday. We were chatting about something when ahead of us in the sky there was a bird getting harassed by some ravens/crows and making a heck of a racket. We kept talking and as we got closer Ellyn had said to me, Is that your Eagle? I said you mean our Eagle as I stopped to look. Ellyn was speaking still, Or is that a hawk? What is that, it doesn’t look like the usual eagle...silence. I can not speak the lump in my throat is blocking my voice my eyes and face are full of tears. Ellyn now has stopped her horse and is gazing skyward as well. The massive Golden Eagle flew over us slow and steady. His wing span was as wide as my Santa Fe truck. He was so close to us we could see his eyes. He soars around us over us and slowly away. We don’t take our eyes off him until he disappears. I managed now to speak. "Yes, Ellyn it’s an Eagle. It’s a Golden Eagle. I’ve only seen them in books". Now she smiles at me with her soppy tear-filled face and says," Well, he knows it’s your birthday today". I will never forget that magical, mystical moment for as long as I live.
I did see the awesome creature once more and that was on April 3rd, the anniversary of Justin’s death. I did not ride that day for whatever reason but did stay home from work. The eagle flew over my home nice and slow and obvious around supper time showing me that he had not forgotten what day is was. Funny thing, but I have not seen an eagle since then. When I ride though I see other amazing creatures such as the Great Blue Heron on the beach when Jodi and I tiptoe through the sand. I have also seen some very unique butterflies, the massive monarch and once a large black butterfly with white dots and swirls. He looked like he had on a "Raiders jersey".
What I have learned from this experience is ; I probably believe more in reincarnation then I ever did before, I believe in the strength of a friendship and how it can empower one to believe in the unbelievable; and most of all I have learned that we have a power in our souls that can conquer and survive nearly anything. We only need to observe and learn from our fellow creatures, Eagles and others.

What are we eating? Do we REALLY Care?

I have always been interested in what we eat as I love to eat and love to cook. I even love to grow my own food if possible. For much of my youth and the years of raising the children, I was not able to raise my own food. I had to live in an environment that was conducive to "working and creating financially stability" for the family. That means living in a city where animals would not be comfortable. I did not have the energy nor the time to raise even a garden in my city yard. Besides to me, spending time in a garden is sacred and should be done in privacy to enjoy the benefits completely. Cities do not equal privacy. What I was able to do often though was shop for fresh produce at farmers markets where I bought home raised chickens, beef and pork so at least I knew my family was eating as wholesome and nutritious as possible. There is comfort in knowing where the meat on your table comes from. This we learned as children, in a home of hunters. Our deer, moose and antelope meat was always pure, fresh, delicious and brought to the table in a decent, humane manner of "production". My Step-Father loves animals just as though he raised them himself and his hunting practices showed that compassion and respect for the natural world we live in.
I am guilty however, of buying the commercial grade, big store (Costco/Safeway comes to mind) bulk stuff as it was not only cost efficient for a growing family, but shopping, a pet peeve of mine, was at least reduced to only one weekend per month.
Well, as life changes, so do options and as I find myself alone now in a lush gardeners dream of an island, I can have the food that I've always dreamed of. I even grew my first tomatoes this year and it was an awesome experience.
Being the animal lover I am I have always had an issue not only with the quality of mass produced food, but the inhumane treatment of animals this involves. I have been at feedlots, chicken and turkey farms and pig producer barns so although I have never witnessed the killing of the animals (thank goodness for I would never be able to sleep) I have seen the massive confinement, the crowded cages, force feeding, poor life quality that affords these creatures. All for us? The humans that demand the low cost, plentiful chicken breasts and pork roasts and strip sirloin steaks. If I could be a complete vegetarian I would ,just to keep my conscious clean, but I love meat too much to completely eliminate it from my diet. So, I have compromised. I will not buy meat from the store. Only farm raised chickens, beef and pork. I still have mistrust though with this process so I need to meet the farmer, see his/her place if possible and then I can be rest assured of the animals that are being raised for my benefit. Same with fish. Nothing tastes as pure and wholesome as a trout given to you from a kind fly fisherman who spends his weekend mornings fishing for the "beauty and serenity of it all".

What I am going to do to take this situation in hand is try to raise as much of my own food as possible with the little hobby farm I will have soon someday. I will raise chickens for the meat and the eggs. For sure, the garden will be full and I'm hoping to get out and do some fishing for trout and other river fish as well. I feel another avenue is to find a hunter that I can trust, off island, of course since we haven't any animals to hunt here...and purchase some deer, moose meat from that source. It is important to me to support the natural food producer so that this standard of quality is available to us for an indefinite period of time.

Another stand I have taken with food is that although once upon a time when I tasted it, over 22 years ago, and admittingly found I simply loved the taste, I haven't been able to bring myself to eat lamb or veal. I see the little furry lamb's face in my head as I'm putting a piece into a mint dip, or the little calf jumping and playing in the meadow, in my head again, while I slice into a schnitzel. Can't and won't do it....period.

If you can stomach it, take a gander over to isawearthlings.com to get a real graphic view of the food industry and the imbalance of human to animal ratio in the "pecking order". I personally can not watch the film but I am aware of the practices and totally aghast at them.

I look forward to getting involved with the PEI Farmers Markets when I am able to offer some of my own naturally produce foods as well.

My Jodi

Jodi is an amazing horse. She is a Morgan and about 15 years old (young, sorry Jo). She doesn't look a day over 6 if truth be known. I purchased Jodi from my then neighbour, since friend, shortly after the death of my son Justin. Ellyn and I used to ride together for hours and continued to do so as therapy now, and it was always Jodi that I rode. She "took to me" as she is a one woman horse. She got down right rude with Ellyn, so when the offer to buy her came up...it was mutally agreed that it had to be done. Jodi and I were thrilled.
As a youngster in Alberta I and my siblings grew up around and raised/trained/ rodeoed with horses. During my first marriage (to my children's Father) we raised and bred Quarter Horses mostly for the sport of "Cutting" where a small calf is "cut" out of the crowd of others for branding, vaccination etc. I had a good handle on QH breeds and as well Arabs and Thoroughbreds as they too used to hang around our premises. Jodi was the first Morgan I had ever met and my my, what a beauty. She is jet black from head to toe and strong necked, ample shouldered and about 16.4 hands high. She has the ruggedness of a QH and the beauty/finess of an Arab.
When I bought her I knew she was going to assist in the grief healing that I needed not only by providing the fresh air and exercise of riding, but as a pet, that I could care for and love. I spoke to my parents about her (horse people --big time) and my Dad told me something alarming when he found out what breed I had bought, that being Morgan. He asked me if I knew who the "first Morgan" was. I said I did not, I knew Quarter Horses lineage of Leo, DocBar, King etc, but no, I hadn't had the experience of Morgans as yet. Well, he said, the original Morgan was named, Justin Morgan. True enough as I researched it later to find indeed this was the original true Morgan. Wow...neato.
My idea that first Spring was to breed Jodi so I could have a new baby horse and perhaps the baby could replace Jodi, should she pass away or get too old for riding. The neighbors and Ellyn contrived to have her bred, in March that year to foal the following year in end of March (my birthday) to beginning of April (Justin's death day) to make these unbearable days of the year a little better for me. It was really sweet of them to think of these dates and try to time things as such. As it turned out Jodi caught and was pregnant according to an ultrasound done by the vet in the summer that year. Ellyn and I continued our rides and our therapy through the fall when in October 2006 we witnessed Jodi expel something nasty which I knew instinctivley was her foal. This was during the weekend and I called the vet to explain the circumstance on Monday. They came out and checked her a week or so later and confirmed she was no longer pregnant. The nastiness continued to expel but the vet assured me that the horses, unlike humans, don't need anything to make this expel as the body will do so on it's own. So we waited. She got cranky and she didn't seem to be herself. I was sure she wasn't feeling well but perhaps was just upset at losing the baby. I watched her carefully. Through the next couiple of months she continued to not be at her best but I just thought perhaps the miscarriage had really taken alot out of her physically and in time I'd see her back to her old self. But then shortly before Christmas I had noticed her appetite decline. Jodi is a hearty eater so that was definitley a red flag, as well her droppings seemed really small which I assumed was because she wasn't eating much. When she stopped eating I got some special molasses horse cookies but she wasn't interested. I knew we were in trouble. I left some in her grain dish and went back home returning to check on her before bed. She was laying down in her stall and I panicked. I went and cuddled her head and begging her with tears streaming down my face to hang in there, I said I would find out what's wrong and I will do what ever I can to help her if she could just let me try. "I thought you were sick my darling, but I didn't know for sure until now". I called work the next morning and told my boss I didn't think Jodi made it through the night but if she did, I would be having the vet out today to see what's up. When I went out to see Jodi, she was standing up waiting for me....to save her life. The vet came out and after a brief exam, realized just as I had thought, the foal had not expelled and Jodi was full of infection. After two weeks of cleansing rinses, antibiotics and hormone shots to help her cycle my Jodi was a new horse. She went out of the barn the first time since all of this began, snorting, farting, bucking and running like she was a two year old filly. I cried at her silliness and was relieved that my horse was gonna live. Today, a year later, she has never looked so fantastic and energetic. We ride almost every weekend and every day twice a day we visit with some grain and a cuddle and pet with the mutual knowledge and understanding that we were meant to be here for each other come hell or high water. We have saved each other from further harm and I can't imagine ever having an experience like this with a horse again, as long as I live. Jodi Darlin' I love you.